I didn't care for this picture, not a bit. I didn't care for the fact that even though I was sucking it in, my belly still hung over my pants. You know what I mean? I just wasn't comfortable with myself. I felt okay. I felt my "normal" self. But I didn't feel all that energetic or especially . . . anything. I felt kind of ho-hum.
And, honestly, while I knew I wanted to lose some weight and also knew I could definitely use the health benefits of losing a few pounds (I checked my fitness level using body fat percentage and BMI, both put me in the overweight category. While I don't think those measures are 100% accurate -there are so many variables to consider- they are, in my opinion, definitely a good place to start.), I really didn't think I could do it. I was a chubby kid most of the time, thinned out a little during junior high (but I wouldn't call my starving myself habit a healthy way to thinness), and then I just kind of gained a little through high school and college. I mostly attributed that to "becoming a woman". I don't know where the extra five to ten pounds after we got married came from though.
So, I talked to God. And he said (1) this is a worthy pursuit, (2) you can do it, (3) you need me in order to do it, and (4) you're going to have to actually TRY this time.
I said okay. At the beginning of June I began logging my food intake using Fit Day. I was astonished at the amount of calories I ate on a regular basis! I really didn't think before I ate. I ate when I wasn't hungry. I ate when I was bored, when I was tired, whenever I wanted to. And I ate whatever and however much I wanted to. I think I counted this as the opposite of starving myself, which seemed like a good thing. The problem is neither of these requires a balance with self-control; they are each on opposite ends of that spectrum.
That's when God told me trying would have to involve learning proper, godly, fruit-of-the-spirit-type self-control. It has been difficult, but not as much as I had thought. As I've mentioned before, learning self-control has actually been the most freeing experience of my life. And learning this alongside my God has been the greatest spiritual and physical adventure.
A few weeks ago I realized I was wearing the same exact clothes as in the picture above, except this time I was 9 pounds lighter!!! So I took a picture of myself (had to get the help of the mirror since I was home alone, but you get the idea). It's not the best photo by any means, but it's still pretty exciting to see the difference 9 pounds can make!!
I gained a pound (of cake!) over my birthday (mid-September), but promptly lost it again along with 2 more pounds since then. Altogether I've lost 11 pounds now and have just a few more to go.
The greatest thing about this is that I've learned lessons I feel like I should have learned a long time ago, but didn't. Or at least they didn't stick. It's not about the size, it's about the fit and the feel and the confidence and the self-control and giving that weight to God! For the most part I don't even need new clothes because of a problem I had with buying clothes too small. Before they were always too tight (duh!), but now they actually feel the way clothes are supposed to fit. This is a whole new sensation for me: clothes fitting well, comfort in my clothes and skin, looking darn good in my clothes. Pretty exciting. Now I wonder what God has next. Surely he has something in mind for all this self-control with which he has given me.